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I give you permission…

August 27, 2017

I was sitting in my tiny college apartment, curled into a ball, with tears pouring down my eyes. She gently touched my hand and said, “Shea, it’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to feel these things. You’re allowed to feel hurt & betrayed!” These are the very words that have so greatly impacted my outlook on how to feel during certain life situations.

That same afternoon I walked through the day like any other day. The evening rolled around and my boyfriend at the time asked to get together to chat. We sat in the bottom of my apartment lobby building… as our conversation went on, he used these four dreaded words, “this needs to end.” Although deep down inside I agreed with him, my heart instantly shattered.  We finished our conversation with slight tears in my eyes, I tried to hold it together. We said our good-byes and I walked towards the elevator. Once the doors closed, tears rolled down my cheeks like Niagara Falls.  I called my closest friend and asked her to come over, within minutes she was there. I had no idea how to feel, I wanted to be strong, but I felt so betrayed! I so desperately wanted to be angry, but I pushed it down inside and tried to follow up negative statement with, “but it’ll be okay.” That is when she spoke such truth into my life, she gave me permission to feel, to be angry, to grieve, and to show weakness & she sat with me in my pain. To date, I am reminded of this conversation shared between my college friend and I.

In our daily lives, we are filled with observing everyones “perfect” life on Instagram. We get the impression that they don’t have pain. We fill our rooms with inspirational quotes to feel better about our pain. When a friend expresses concern to us, we always try to make a positive out of it. We are under the impression that life has to be perfect, we can’t feel certain feelings because they are deemed as “bad”… but can I tell you something, EMOTIONS ARE GOD GIVEN! It is okay to feel! You are allowed to feel angry & sad! If we put a bandage on it & don’t deal with it, it’ll always be buried deep within us. If you are betrayed, you have permission to feel angry with someone… because what they did to you sucks!

THIS IS THE KEY… we cannot stay in our anger or act out in our anger. Meaning, we can feel anger, but that does not give us the right to treat the other person back poorly. Also, it does not mean we can continue to be angry with them. We should process, but then work towards reconciliation & forgiveness (which is so hard!) A close friend once shared this quote with me, “Its okay to not be okay, but its not okay to stay not okay.” Meaning, we have the freedom to feel certain feelings like sadness, grieve, anger, frustration… but once we feel those things, we need to take proactive steps to working away from those feelings. Maybe finding a friends that can help us process what has happened & hold us accountable in our outlook.

You know that feeling when something happens to you, or your watching a sad movie and it feels like you have a stone going down your throat because you don’t want to cry… STOP THAT! Let it out, let yourself feel those feelings to their fullest! CRY. Crying isn’t a weakness, in fact I see it as such humility because your allowing your walls to break down! Our world tells us that we can only feel happy…. but I am here to tell you, life is so hard! You will be betrayed, your expectations won’t be met all the time, you will walk through loss & disappointment. Life is not all rainbows and happiness. It’s a mess! Allow yourself to process life through feeling your emotions.

Being real and raw is something we all crave so much, but we are so afraid to allow ourselves to be open with other people. Exposing your weakness & pain is such a beautiful thing. It allows others to come into your life, walk with you, speak truth into you & keep you moving along.

So lets stop acting like we are cookie cutter humans, lets show our cracks, lets allow ourselves to ooze, and lets walk with each other in our pain… Feeling is beautiful, feeling is powerful, and feeling is completely allowed!

 

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